Wednesday, September 10, 2003
14:51 by FoxTwo
Yeah I know it's been 2 years since I've updated this part of the website. So I finally found some time to ramble on about weird and inane things on my soapbox again.
You know, who needs Hong Lim Park when we have the web? We don't have to spend money on travel to get there and come home, we don't need to go through all the trouble to get a permit to speak there. With the web, just fire up your trusty old text editor and away you go, rambling on like me! *Grin*
So, quirks of Singaporeans, the topic for this installment. What are they? Well, Singaporeans are weird, and I won't even mention kiasu here. For example, the words that we use.
1. "Authenticate". Somehow, it's pronounced "or-thon-ticate" here. Must be SAF's fault, 'cos all the Signallers I know pronounce it that way. Guess what? When we are done with the 2 year stint in SAF, we come out to work, and we STILL say it that way in our working life. We must sound very weird to the ang mo's that work among us.
2. "Slang". The correct word should be "accent". This is most often misused when we hear a Chinese person speak with a foreign accent (think "Robin Leong"), and immediately someone would turn to you and say "wah, he slang man!". The actual meaning of "slang" is "a localised, non-formal version of a language". In other words, SINGLISH IS A SLANG! That means, you can actually speak proper English (grammatically correct English I mean) with a Singlish accent. Wow! Is that mind-boggling or what? Actually it's not... watch Phua Chu Kang for a good example. Eversince PM Goh Chok Tong sent PCK off to BEST classes to brush up on his English, PCK now speaks proper English (well, most of the time anyway) with a Singlish accent! Most of the time, the grammar and syntax is correct!
3. "Spanner". Upon reading this word, one would have thought it should be pronounced "span-ner". After all, we can say "span" correctly, but why when we join "ner" to the end of "span" does the whole pronounciation change to "spun-nah"?????!!! I mean, I know for a fact that Singaporeans can pronounce both the "span" part and the "ner" part correctly... but somehow when these 2 are joined the brains go weird and the pronounciation changes. It's worse when I pronounce it correctly to friends and colleagues and they look back at me with blank stares, like the example below:
There are more, but I will stop here.
Now, the next part is something like a sequel to the previous musings - weird things Singaporeans say or ask. For example, in my line we entertain a lot of weird calls. A classic example goes like this:
I mean, hey man, it's just like going to the doctor and once you enter the door to his consultation room, you say "Eh Doctor, I am sick lei... why har?"
Now, please understand this. IT people may be "experts", but we are not Vulcans. We can't read minds. We need to know exactly WHAT THE ERROR MESSAGE SAYS! It's like you need to tell your doctor what kind of symptoms you have, whether you have fever, running nose etc etc. Without the actual error message, we have no clue "why har".
For that matter, since they (the users) can read the message and tell us over the phone, why can't they read the message and try to comprehend what it says? Simple things like "Disk is full, please insert another disk into drive A: and click OK to continue" does not warrant a call to IT Dept and ask "why har". Which part of the "Disk is full" don't they understand? Or is the part about "insert another disk into drive A:" that confused them?
Oh, did you know that the computer mouse has 2 buttons (and the newer models come with a wheel too!)? There is one for the forefinger, the one you normally click things with, and there's another one, JUST BESIDE IT, for your middle finger, and it's normally referred to as "right-clicking" when you use it. That second button is not a backup button!! It does not take over the functions of the normal button if you break the normal button! It has entirely different functions!
Did you know that you can right-click on almost anything on your computer and see strange and new boxes, never seen before, popping up? Try it, come on... trust me, it's new and it's exciting. Just right-click and see!
Oh yes before I forget, printers do not have an endless supply of paper. When the printer does not print anymore one fine day, please, please please OPEN THE TRAY and look inside before making a call to IT Dept and asking "Why har" the printer suddenly cannot print. Laser printers even have cute little LCD screens SHOWING EXACTLY WHAT IS WRONG.
I mean, if they can squint at a handphone screen reading SMS messages and understanding it, why can't they squint at the small LCD screen on the laser pinters and read it before making a call huh? They could have easily stuffed in more paper and continued printing, without waiting for the IT guys to show up 5 or 10 mins later while doing nothing..
If you've ever been guilty of this, you wanna know what we do when we show up at a printer that has a blinking "paper out" light? We refill the paper. Then we laugh at you. Yes, it's true!
So... to "save face" and avoid embarrassment, just check the LCD screens to see what's wrong, and if it's a simple paper out error, just refill it. You don't need "IT experts" to go over and load paper for you.
14:51 by FoxTwo
Yeah I know it's been 2 years since I've updated this part of the website. So I finally found some time to ramble on about weird and inane things on my soapbox again.
You know, who needs Hong Lim Park when we have the web? We don't have to spend money on travel to get there and come home, we don't need to go through all the trouble to get a permit to speak there. With the web, just fire up your trusty old text editor and away you go, rambling on like me! *Grin*
So, quirks of Singaporeans, the topic for this installment. What are they? Well, Singaporeans are weird, and I won't even mention kiasu here. For example, the words that we use.
1. "Authenticate". Somehow, it's pronounced "or-thon-ticate" here. Must be SAF's fault, 'cos all the Signallers I know pronounce it that way. Guess what? When we are done with the 2 year stint in SAF, we come out to work, and we STILL say it that way in our working life. We must sound very weird to the ang mo's that work among us.
2. "Slang". The correct word should be "accent". This is most often misused when we hear a Chinese person speak with a foreign accent (think "Robin Leong"), and immediately someone would turn to you and say "wah, he slang man!". The actual meaning of "slang" is "a localised, non-formal version of a language". In other words, SINGLISH IS A SLANG! That means, you can actually speak proper English (grammatically correct English I mean) with a Singlish accent. Wow! Is that mind-boggling or what? Actually it's not... watch Phua Chu Kang for a good example. Eversince PM Goh Chok Tong sent PCK off to BEST classes to brush up on his English, PCK now speaks proper English (well, most of the time anyway) with a Singlish accent! Most of the time, the grammar and syntax is correct!
3. "Spanner". Upon reading this word, one would have thought it should be pronounced "span-ner". After all, we can say "span" correctly, but why when we join "ner" to the end of "span" does the whole pronounciation change to "spun-nah"?????!!! I mean, I know for a fact that Singaporeans can pronounce both the "span" part and the "ner" part correctly... but somehow when these 2 are joined the brains go weird and the pronounciation changes. It's worse when I pronounce it correctly to friends and colleagues and they look back at me with blank stares, like the example below:
Me: "Hey can you pass me the spanner please?"
Friend: "Huh? *blank look*"
Me: "Oh, I mean the spunnah"
Friend: "Ooohhh say so lah!"
There are more, but I will stop here.
Now, the next part is something like a sequel to the previous musings - weird things Singaporeans say or ask. For example, in my line we entertain a lot of weird calls. A classic example goes like this:
Caller: "My computer show me a box with an error. Why har?"
I mean, hey man, it's just like going to the doctor and once you enter the door to his consultation room, you say "Eh Doctor, I am sick lei... why har?"
Now, please understand this. IT people may be "experts", but we are not Vulcans. We can't read minds. We need to know exactly WHAT THE ERROR MESSAGE SAYS! It's like you need to tell your doctor what kind of symptoms you have, whether you have fever, running nose etc etc. Without the actual error message, we have no clue "why har".
For that matter, since they (the users) can read the message and tell us over the phone, why can't they read the message and try to comprehend what it says? Simple things like "Disk is full, please insert another disk into drive A: and click OK to continue" does not warrant a call to IT Dept and ask "why har". Which part of the "Disk is full" don't they understand? Or is the part about "insert another disk into drive A:" that confused them?
Oh, did you know that the computer mouse has 2 buttons (and the newer models come with a wheel too!)? There is one for the forefinger, the one you normally click things with, and there's another one, JUST BESIDE IT, for your middle finger, and it's normally referred to as "right-clicking" when you use it. That second button is not a backup button!! It does not take over the functions of the normal button if you break the normal button! It has entirely different functions!
Did you know that you can right-click on almost anything on your computer and see strange and new boxes, never seen before, popping up? Try it, come on... trust me, it's new and it's exciting. Just right-click and see!
Oh yes before I forget, printers do not have an endless supply of paper. When the printer does not print anymore one fine day, please, please please OPEN THE TRAY and look inside before making a call to IT Dept and asking "Why har" the printer suddenly cannot print. Laser printers even have cute little LCD screens SHOWING EXACTLY WHAT IS WRONG.
I mean, if they can squint at a handphone screen reading SMS messages and understanding it, why can't they squint at the small LCD screen on the laser pinters and read it before making a call huh? They could have easily stuffed in more paper and continued printing, without waiting for the IT guys to show up 5 or 10 mins later while doing nothing..
If you've ever been guilty of this, you wanna know what we do when we show up at a printer that has a blinking "paper out" light? We refill the paper. Then we laugh at you. Yes, it's true!
So... to "save face" and avoid embarrassment, just check the LCD screens to see what's wrong, and if it's a simple paper out error, just refill it. You don't need "IT experts" to go over and load paper for you.
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@ Sunday, June 05, 2005 8:13:00 PM Yah, i think wat they say is kinda rite... You know, now even malay ppl speak like a typical chinese. I bet you in 3 years time, Singapore will be crazy wif ppl lyk that... hehe... good thing anyway, whatever it is... bye
~#-PeAcE OuT...
Mar
